Whale Rider (2002)

In this beautiful film about family and the rich culture of the Maori tribe in New Zealand, Paikea is a twelve-year-old girl who struggles to earn his grandfather's acknowledgement and to prove herself worthy to be the new chief of the tribe. Unfortunately, due to the traditional custom of the tribe, only the first-born males in the family are able to take this role. Through this film, several meaningful themes can be seen:

#1 Sexism

The theme sexism can be clearly seen even at the start of the film, that is when Paikea was born. At birth, Paikea's twin brother died, bringing their mother with him. This left Paikea's father devastated at the loss of his wife. However, when Koro, Paikea's grandfather first arrived at the hospital, he did not look or even asked anything about his deceased daughter-in-law. Instead, all he was interested about was the news of his grandson. When Koro found out that only the baby girl survived, he was not very happy about it. This is because he had been waiting so long for the arrival of a new first-born MALE in the family - someone who could finally take up the role of the new chief of the tribe.
Unfortunately, Paikea being a girl could not help him realize his wish.

To even begin with, Koro did not even allow Paikea's father, Porourangi to name his daughter 'Paikea' in the first place! This was because Paikea was the name of the whale rider who rode on top of the whale all the way from Hawaiki (AKA their descendant). So Koro thought that since the baby was a girl, she was not worthy of the name of their descendant.

Koro also had a very strong principle in gender roles, as well as gender stereotypes. Due to the fact that he still resented the fact that his first-born grandchild was a girl, was Paikea, he started blaming her for all the conflicts that happened in the tribe. There was a scene in the film where he said, "When she was born, everything went wrong for us." In order to fix this, Koro started a cultural school for ONLY BOYS to teach them their traditional customs and qualities of a chief. Throughout the entire film, Paikea could be seen as a born talented person with natural qualities of a chief! However, just because she was a girl, Koro chose to ignore her qualities and had discouraged her many times. For example, Paikea was really interested in learning the taiaha and she was really good at it too, but just because it was traditionally reserved for boys only, Koro got really angry at Paikea for learning it by herself secretly and he even chased her out of the house. Not only that, Koro even discouraged Paikea by telling her that her acts of showing off would do no benefits but only to degrade the boys. For a girl as talented as Paikea, by right more praises should be given to her, especially when she was trying so hard to make him proud. But deep down, Koro knew that he could never praise Paikea because that would make her even want to prove herself and THAT would be against his gender role bias in his culture.

Paikea on the other hand was really trying to break the gender stereotypes. She often challenged herself to do things that Koro or the other boys may think that she could not do. One interesting example was when she raced the school bus with her own bike! All the boys in the bus were yelling at the driver to not let her passed the vehicle and they were asking the driver to go faster than Paikea. However, seeing the boys' reactions towards this challenge, she felt even more proud and she cycled even faster! Another scene that she challenged herself in doing was she tried to dive into the water to retrieve Koro's rei puta - something which the boys failed to do and which made Koro really devastated.

#2 Importance of Family Root

Through the film we could also see the admirable trait of the Maori people who valued their family roots and protected their traditions, especially Paikea and Koro. Even though some of us may not be able to agree with Koro's stubbornness and his gender stereotypes, we should all be able to understand that whatever that he was doing, he did it to protect their customs. It was undeniable that he chose the customs over his own granddaughter which resulted in mistreating her. But to come to think of it, he was just trying to follow and to keep the traditions that had been practiced for years (which happened to discriminate the females). But the fact that he chose the customs over the love for Paikea clearly showed that Koro was a man who valued customs, traditions and family roots very much.

Even though Paikea was discouraged in her belief that she could be the chief of the tribe since the day she was born, she held onto her traditions and family roots very much. Unlike her father who refused to assume the role of the chief of the tribe, she enjoyed learning about their traditional dances, chants, martial arts and even their tribe's history. Whenever she introduced herself, she would always mentioned that she was a direct patrilineal descendant of Paikea.


#3 Love for Family

One of the things that touched me the most in this film was the transition of the birth scene to the scene where Paikea had already grown up. During the end of the birth scene, we could see that Koro did not really like Paikea because she was born as a female. The narration by Paikea herself in the beginning of this film had also mentioned something about it which led us to expect Koro to not wanting to admit Paikea as his granddaughter. However, the following scene after that had really touched me. Not only that Koro accepted Paikea into the family, the scene where they rode on the bicycle together had shown that Koro really cared and loved Paikea as his granddaughter, and they have formed an affectionate bond with each other. If I were to vote the best scene throughout the entire film, I would definitely vote this scene as my favourite!

In the following scene where the two main characters had spent some time together talking about the history of their tribe, Koro was teaching Paikea about the importance of the unity of their families and tribe. Later in the same scene, Paikea managed to help Koro to fix his boat engine (using her brilliant mind). When she was happily showing Koro that she had successfully fixed it, Koro was not very happy. Koro did explain in the film the reason why he was unhappy with what Paikea had done, which was the fact that he was afraid that she would hurt herself. Yes, this showed how much Koro cared for her.

PS: However, I figured there should be another hidden reason behind this. As much as Koro was worried that she would hurt herself by fixing that engine, he also did not want Paikea to be too capable and intelligent. Why? Simple. He did not want to believe that she was destined to inherit the leadership.

There was another scene in the film which I found heart-breaking - the part where Paikea decided to leave the village and to follow her father back to Germany. Before Paikea left, she asked to have a ride on the bicycle with Koro in the front yard for the last time. This was something that she had been doing with Koro every day and it was upsetting to watch Koro carried her for the last time on his bicycle. But as soon as she was leaving, Koro did not even look at her for the last time and he went straight into the house. Before anyone could thought that he was being mean and cold-hearted, he was seen staring at his beloved granddaughter from the window. This scene actually reminded me of my own grandfather who never looked at us when we were leaving every time after our visit. I wonder if he was like Koro too, staring out at us from where we could not see him. Unfortunately I will never have the chance to check him out the next time we visit because he had already left us.

Paikea's bond with Koro was incredibly touching in this film, honestly. Even though Koro was so hard on her, Paikea  was always patient and she tried to be understanding towards him. She never gave up trying to prove herself to Koro and her love for her grandfather was always there no matter what. When Koro was devastated over the loss of the rei puta, he wanted to call out to his ancestors but he failed. Paikea then called out to their ancestors in attempt to help Koro even though she knew this would probably get her into trouble. Lastly when something horrible happened at the beach (probably related to what she had done), she even sacrificed her own life for the sake of her people, especially her grandfather.

Another interesting bond between family members, besides Paikea and Koro, was the father-son relationship between Koro and Porourangi (Paikea's father). Throughout the entire film, there was no obvious affection shown between these two men. However, certain affection or love need not to be shown obviously, but can be seen in other forms. For example, Koro finding a new wife for Porourangi was probably because he wanted another grandson to inherit his leadership. But come to think of it, it has been many years since Paikea's mother had passed. It could be that Koro wanted to find a new companion for his son as well. Nevertheless, even though both of them may not seemed to be talking to each other very much, nothing breaks a bond between a father and son, no matter what. When Porourangi first returned to the village, though Koro did not show, he seemed glad that his son has returned. Similarly, Porourangi also seemed to have a lot of stories about his adventures to share with his father but he was kind of reluctant to talk as well. I wonder why... probably this has something to do with their man egos, or perhaps it is the matter of gender difference where men are usually uncomfortable to talk about feelings and emotions (unlike women). Hence, it would be most appropriate for them to show their love for each other though the things they do.

Forget Paris (1995)

One of the most enjoyable and funniest films I have ever watched - Forget Paris.

While soon-to-be-wed Andy and Liz were waiting for their friends to join them in a restaurant, Andy began to tell stories about Mickey and Ellen's relationship from where it started in Paris to how their marriage is at the present. This film creatively unfolds the story of Mickey and Ellen in such a way that not only did the friends take turns in telling Liz about the entire story, the story itself was told in stages. According to my analysis of the film, there are three main stages in Mickey and Ellen's relationship and a short last one which I called a bonus stage!

Stage 1: Paris 

In Mickey and Ellen's relationship, Stage 1 is basically their romance phase. It's about two people being attracted to each other and worked towards being together. Mickey was all alone in Paris to bury his deceased father. He was also very frustrated because the management at the airport misplaced his father's casket. However, in the midst of his anger, he met Ellen, an airline employee who consoled and apologized to Mickey at the same time. That was their first meeting. Later, Ellen even surprised Mickey at the funeral because she thought, "nobody should bury their father alone." Mickey was obviously touched by what Ellen had done and began to find Ellen really attractive because she was being so nice to him when he was all alone, so understanding and considerate towards him. Ellen, on the other hand may be attracted to Mickey because she finds him really humorous as humour has been said to be one of the most desirable traits in the theory of attraction. 

However, there may be another reason for Ellen to fall in love with Mickey, other than him being a humorous man. Ellen was experiencing some major conflict in her own marriage so perhaps that could be one of the contributing factors to her liking towards Mickey. 

When Mickey had gone back to the United States, it was hard for both of them to be together as a normal couple because they were miles apart from each other as Ellen continued working as usual in Paris. Even so, they made efforts to keep in touch with each other. This showed that love is choice. Mickey made a choice to pursue Ellen even though they were living miles apart from each other and he even wanted to bring their relationship to one step further, he asked her to marry him. When this happened, Ellen was forced to make her decision to end her unhappy marriage for good and have faith in her new relationship. Ellen said YES. 

So basically, apart from the upsetting discovery of Ellen's marriage and the loneliness that Mickey was experiencing, everything was perfect for both of them. Both Mickey and Ellen had a short great time together in Paris and this experience will always be part of their memories together.

- The end of Stage 1 -

Stage 2: Forget Paris 

Stage 2 of the relationship is basically about the marriage life of Mickey and Ellen. At the beginning of every marriage, everything seemed to be perfectly fine. Ellen moved from Paris to live with Mickey in his apartment as his wife. Everything was awesome for this newlywed during their honeymoon... until when Mickey had to go back to work for the new NBA season after their honeymoon. That was when problems, conflicts and sacrifices in a marriage started pouring in. This was also when two people had to learn to live with each other and compromise in a marriage. A stage where romantic moments in Paris was merely just a piece of memory.

I understand that it wasn't easy at all for Ellen to give up everything she had in Paris and to come back to the United States empty-handedly (well, except the fact that she had a new husband). But other than having Mickey as her husband, she had nothing else and she was miserable and depressed. Without Mickey by her side and with her crappy job, she was lonely and was not feeling happy at all. The sacrifices that she'd made in committing to this new marriage was slowly draining away her souls. Her life was meaningless especially when Mickey was not home. 

There has to be some balance between contributions and rewards in a relationship. Therefore, likewise, Mickey made sacrifices too in this relationship. He took a one-year leave of absence and worked as a car salesman instead so that he could be home all the time. The great news was Ellen was no longer miserable as she was promoted at her job and she was all happy with her life again. However, now it was Mickey's turn to be unhappy and miserable, just like Ellen did before. This was because Mickey's passion was with the NBA, not selling cars for a living. Even worse, he was made to take care of Ellen's father at home as well. But in order to compromise with Ellen, this was the sacrifice that Mickey made and the consequence that he had to bear was his life being incongruent with what he wanted.

The situation went on for quite some time until Mickey secretly decided to go back to his referee work again without telling Ellen. This was when more conflicts rushed into this relationship and the overall relationship status was unhappy. However, there must be give and take in a marriage. Right at this moment, it seemed as if Ellen was taking too much and Mickey was done giving. Love is supposed to be understanding and compromising as well as finding a common ground. This was when Ellen had decided to send her father to her siblings and worked towards repairing their relationship.

- The end of Stage 2 -

Stage 3: The 3rd Family Member

Many couples may think that having a child could save a failing marriage, but that's actually a myth. Anyhow, whether or not it was for the purpose of saving their marriage, Mickey and Ellen had been trying really hard to have a baby. Unfortunately, they found out that they were unable to conceive naturally. So, they tried other method instead, such as In Vitro Fertilisation. However, even after two years of trying, they still failed to have a baby. The inability to conceive had caused Mickey and Ellen to emotionally drift apart from each other. This would actually damage their already wounded relationship even more. Things got even worse when Ellen had been offered a transfer to Dallas, which Mickey had refused to move. Being frustrated at Mickey, Ellen had decided to transfer back alone to Paris instead. So, the inability to reach a compromised situation this time had caused both Mickey and Ellen to be separated for a while.

At this stage, some gender differences could be clearly seen in some part of the film. When confronted with conflicts in marriage, males preferred to meet up with friends and they like to do activities together while they talk it out. For example, Mickey would meet his friends and they would all play pool while they talked about Mickey's marriage problems. Similarly, females would also talk things out with their friends as well. But they don't do activities together, they merely just sit down and share their thoughts and feelings with each other.

Anyhow,

- The end of Stage 3 -

Stage 4: The Bonus Stage

The reason I called this stage a bonus one is because it took place really short and fast. This part was the present where Andy and his friends were actually wondering if the game had ended and they were waiting for Mickey's arrival at the restaurant.

So ever since Mickey and Ellen were separated, obviously they still missed one another. So after so long of not talking and seeing each other, Mickey was day-dreaming just before the game had started and suddenly made up his mind to flee his job and to return to Paris to look for his beloved wife. At this moment, Mickey was probably weighing the importance between his job as the referee and his wife - in which of course he chose his wife! Just as he was about to leave, Ellen was seen to be there as well. This proved that women made up their mind faster than men (just kidding). So in the end, I think that they both came to the similar conclusion, that is, they valued their marriage so much more than their jobs and everything else. If we take a look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs, love and belonging is right in the middle of the pyramid. Self-esteem and self-actualization may be on top of love and belonging, but without love, it may be hard or incomplete to achieve self-esteem and self-actualization in the first place.

What I learned from the film...

Everyone can fall in love and get married easily just as long as you make that choice. But it may be not easy for everyone to actually go through what lies after the marriage. In order to take in another person in your life and live together with him or her for a long long time, it takes a lot of responsibilities, contributions and sacrifices to make the relationship works. 

So, marriage is not the only legitimate option for everyone. Marriage is actually a choice. No one should marry just because they think they ought to, even though Maslow said love and belonging is part of our basic needs. This is because without marriage, we can find love and belonging as well with family members and friends. But marriage has a whole lot more commitments than many other things. Hence, if we want a perfect marriage, it would be best to first focus on fixing yourself and finding your own path before settling down with the significant other.