Forget Paris (1995)

One of the most enjoyable and funniest films I have ever watched - Forget Paris.

While soon-to-be-wed Andy and Liz were waiting for their friends to join them in a restaurant, Andy began to tell stories about Mickey and Ellen's relationship from where it started in Paris to how their marriage is at the present. This film creatively unfolds the story of Mickey and Ellen in such a way that not only did the friends take turns in telling Liz about the entire story, the story itself was told in stages. According to my analysis of the film, there are three main stages in Mickey and Ellen's relationship and a short last one which I called a bonus stage!

Stage 1: Paris 

In Mickey and Ellen's relationship, Stage 1 is basically their romance phase. It's about two people being attracted to each other and worked towards being together. Mickey was all alone in Paris to bury his deceased father. He was also very frustrated because the management at the airport misplaced his father's casket. However, in the midst of his anger, he met Ellen, an airline employee who consoled and apologized to Mickey at the same time. That was their first meeting. Later, Ellen even surprised Mickey at the funeral because she thought, "nobody should bury their father alone." Mickey was obviously touched by what Ellen had done and began to find Ellen really attractive because she was being so nice to him when he was all alone, so understanding and considerate towards him. Ellen, on the other hand may be attracted to Mickey because she finds him really humorous as humour has been said to be one of the most desirable traits in the theory of attraction. 

However, there may be another reason for Ellen to fall in love with Mickey, other than him being a humorous man. Ellen was experiencing some major conflict in her own marriage so perhaps that could be one of the contributing factors to her liking towards Mickey. 

When Mickey had gone back to the United States, it was hard for both of them to be together as a normal couple because they were miles apart from each other as Ellen continued working as usual in Paris. Even so, they made efforts to keep in touch with each other. This showed that love is choice. Mickey made a choice to pursue Ellen even though they were living miles apart from each other and he even wanted to bring their relationship to one step further, he asked her to marry him. When this happened, Ellen was forced to make her decision to end her unhappy marriage for good and have faith in her new relationship. Ellen said YES. 

So basically, apart from the upsetting discovery of Ellen's marriage and the loneliness that Mickey was experiencing, everything was perfect for both of them. Both Mickey and Ellen had a short great time together in Paris and this experience will always be part of their memories together.

- The end of Stage 1 -

Stage 2: Forget Paris 

Stage 2 of the relationship is basically about the marriage life of Mickey and Ellen. At the beginning of every marriage, everything seemed to be perfectly fine. Ellen moved from Paris to live with Mickey in his apartment as his wife. Everything was awesome for this newlywed during their honeymoon... until when Mickey had to go back to work for the new NBA season after their honeymoon. That was when problems, conflicts and sacrifices in a marriage started pouring in. This was also when two people had to learn to live with each other and compromise in a marriage. A stage where romantic moments in Paris was merely just a piece of memory.

I understand that it wasn't easy at all for Ellen to give up everything she had in Paris and to come back to the United States empty-handedly (well, except the fact that she had a new husband). But other than having Mickey as her husband, she had nothing else and she was miserable and depressed. Without Mickey by her side and with her crappy job, she was lonely and was not feeling happy at all. The sacrifices that she'd made in committing to this new marriage was slowly draining away her souls. Her life was meaningless especially when Mickey was not home. 

There has to be some balance between contributions and rewards in a relationship. Therefore, likewise, Mickey made sacrifices too in this relationship. He took a one-year leave of absence and worked as a car salesman instead so that he could be home all the time. The great news was Ellen was no longer miserable as she was promoted at her job and she was all happy with her life again. However, now it was Mickey's turn to be unhappy and miserable, just like Ellen did before. This was because Mickey's passion was with the NBA, not selling cars for a living. Even worse, he was made to take care of Ellen's father at home as well. But in order to compromise with Ellen, this was the sacrifice that Mickey made and the consequence that he had to bear was his life being incongruent with what he wanted.

The situation went on for quite some time until Mickey secretly decided to go back to his referee work again without telling Ellen. This was when more conflicts rushed into this relationship and the overall relationship status was unhappy. However, there must be give and take in a marriage. Right at this moment, it seemed as if Ellen was taking too much and Mickey was done giving. Love is supposed to be understanding and compromising as well as finding a common ground. This was when Ellen had decided to send her father to her siblings and worked towards repairing their relationship.

- The end of Stage 2 -

Stage 3: The 3rd Family Member

Many couples may think that having a child could save a failing marriage, but that's actually a myth. Anyhow, whether or not it was for the purpose of saving their marriage, Mickey and Ellen had been trying really hard to have a baby. Unfortunately, they found out that they were unable to conceive naturally. So, they tried other method instead, such as In Vitro Fertilisation. However, even after two years of trying, they still failed to have a baby. The inability to conceive had caused Mickey and Ellen to emotionally drift apart from each other. This would actually damage their already wounded relationship even more. Things got even worse when Ellen had been offered a transfer to Dallas, which Mickey had refused to move. Being frustrated at Mickey, Ellen had decided to transfer back alone to Paris instead. So, the inability to reach a compromised situation this time had caused both Mickey and Ellen to be separated for a while.

At this stage, some gender differences could be clearly seen in some part of the film. When confronted with conflicts in marriage, males preferred to meet up with friends and they like to do activities together while they talk it out. For example, Mickey would meet his friends and they would all play pool while they talked about Mickey's marriage problems. Similarly, females would also talk things out with their friends as well. But they don't do activities together, they merely just sit down and share their thoughts and feelings with each other.

Anyhow,

- The end of Stage 3 -

Stage 4: The Bonus Stage

The reason I called this stage a bonus one is because it took place really short and fast. This part was the present where Andy and his friends were actually wondering if the game had ended and they were waiting for Mickey's arrival at the restaurant.

So ever since Mickey and Ellen were separated, obviously they still missed one another. So after so long of not talking and seeing each other, Mickey was day-dreaming just before the game had started and suddenly made up his mind to flee his job and to return to Paris to look for his beloved wife. At this moment, Mickey was probably weighing the importance between his job as the referee and his wife - in which of course he chose his wife! Just as he was about to leave, Ellen was seen to be there as well. This proved that women made up their mind faster than men (just kidding). So in the end, I think that they both came to the similar conclusion, that is, they valued their marriage so much more than their jobs and everything else. If we take a look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs, love and belonging is right in the middle of the pyramid. Self-esteem and self-actualization may be on top of love and belonging, but without love, it may be hard or incomplete to achieve self-esteem and self-actualization in the first place.

What I learned from the film...

Everyone can fall in love and get married easily just as long as you make that choice. But it may be not easy for everyone to actually go through what lies after the marriage. In order to take in another person in your life and live together with him or her for a long long time, it takes a lot of responsibilities, contributions and sacrifices to make the relationship works. 

So, marriage is not the only legitimate option for everyone. Marriage is actually a choice. No one should marry just because they think they ought to, even though Maslow said love and belonging is part of our basic needs. This is because without marriage, we can find love and belonging as well with family members and friends. But marriage has a whole lot more commitments than many other things. Hence, if we want a perfect marriage, it would be best to first focus on fixing yourself and finding your own path before settling down with the significant other.