Grace Is Gone (2007)

"Grace is Gone" - yet another film that touches the hearts of many audiences. This is a simple but meaningful film that depicts how a father, after learning the news of his wife's death, struggles to find the right time and the right place to break the sad news to his two beloved daughters, Heidi and Dawn. 

Breaking news of death to the closest family members has never been the easiest thing to do. In fact, it is the hardest and the most heart-breaking experience ever. In this film, Stanley Phillips had to go through the grief of losing his beloved wife, Grace alone for quite some time as he could not bring himself to disclose the news to his two daughters. During his grief alone, he tried very hard to deny himself of Grace's passing. Initially, when he suggested to his daughters that they would visit the Enchanted Garden on a road trip even though it was very far away, it was believed that maybe he needed more time to think of a right way to disclose the news to his daughters and going on a road trip for several days would allow him more time to think before they reached their final destination. Not only that, he could also possibly be using this opportunity to deny the fact that he had lost Grace by temporarily focusing on his daughters and their road trip. Besides, going to Enchanted Garden may be a wonderful idea as his daughters were dying to visit the amusement park. So, maybe that could be a better place to reveal the sad news to them since that place was a familiar and a safe place which brought them happy memories.

Along the road trip, Stanley would constantly call home to hear Grace's voice over the answering machine and every time he would leave a message for her regarding him and the kids. He did this as if Grace has never left and he wanted so much to continue talking to her. Besides that, there were many things that happened during the road trip which Stanley had been doing to remind himself that nothing was changed and everything could still be the same. Before reaching their final destination at the Enchanted Garden, Stanley and the girls had stopped by their grandmother's house, shopping mall and a motel. At the shopping mall, Stanley bought Heidi and Dawn each a pretty dress and he even allowed them to pierce their ears (something which they were not allowed to do until they were 13 years old). This could possibly showed two things: One, Stanley was trying his best to make sure the girls were happy by fulfilling their wishes before breaking their hearts again later when he revealed their mother's death. Two, it could be that Stanley was trying to show his daughters that the three of them could still have fun on their own even without their mother in the future. But yes, Stanley was indeed a great father. Even though he did not tell Heidi and Dawn about their mother immediately, it did not mean that he was being coward or being a mean dad. He just simply did not know how to tell it because he was very much concerned with their feelings. Besides, the incident where Heidi had secretly smoked with a random teenager at the motel also showed that Stanley was a wise dad. Normally when a father sees his daughter smoking as an underage, I would think that he would immediately be very mad at her and could even ground her. But I was surprised at what Stanley did to Heidi instead in the film. It shocked me a little when I watched Stanley bought two boxes of cigarettes to share with Heidi. But later it occurred to me that what he did was actually more educational than simply yelling and grounding a child. By offering Heidi a cigarette directly, it allowed Heidi to learn her mistakes from a familiar and a safe person rather than letting her experiencing it through a stranger or any negative friends in the future. Also, as a teenager, the more she was scolded and yelled at for something she was not supposed to try or do, it would make her even more curious to want to experience the thing. Hence, what Stanley did was actually a great example for every parent out there, even though it could be bizarre for some people (letting your daughter smoke with you?!)

Like I said earlier, Enchanted Garden was an amusement park which both Heidi and Dawn were dying to visit. However, they could not have the chance to visit this place again earlier because both their parents were busy with work and they were also occupied with school as well. However, the thought of bringing the girls back to this place as they wished did not only provide a great opportunity for Stanley to reveal the news to them, it also served as a very meaningful purpose in this film. Due to the fact that Heidi and Dawn still did not know about the passing of their mother, this road trip to Enchanted Garden provided them a chance to experience a ONE LAST TRIP where they could all still be happy and enjoy the world with the mindset that their mother was still alive.

Sybil (1976)

Sybil is a film about a young introverted woman who suffers from a mental disorder called Multiple Personality Disorder or also known as Dissociative Identity Disorder. The root of her suffering and her disorder comes from her abusive childhood (something which she could not remember well now).

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) is a mental disorder listed in the DSM-5. However, there are still many psychologists and psychiatrists who tend not to believe that DID is real. In my personal opinion, I want to believe that DID is actually real and it is indeed a very disturbing mental disorder. Some people may think that DID may seems very scary, it is as if the patient or client has been possessed. To be fair, it does feel like the patient is being possessed by something because they have split personalities or to be accurate, identities. Patients who suffer from DID could sometimes do things that they usually do not do. Some could even speak a foreign language which the host (the owner of the body) do not actually know. For example, Sybil in the film has many different identities and each of them is very different from one another. Sybil (the host) is actually a very timid, shy and introverted person. By the end of the film we could see that the reason for her to behave such way is probably because of her past abusive childhood. However, her alternative known as Victoria (Vicky) seems like a super confident woman - so much different than who Sybil usually is. This alternative, Vicky happens to be the one who does mostly everything that Sybil usually will not have the courage to do. Other than that, Sybil's other alternative known as Vanessa could play the piano. Sybil would always claim that she can no longer play the piano (probably was scarred by her abusive mother). However, Vanessa's presence shows that Sybil actually still knows how to play the piano but she has been repressing her talent all the time. 

There we go, I have said it. The word "repressed". 

Personally, other than wanting to believe that DID is actually real, I happen to like this mental disorder very much too. Not that I like what DID does to people but I really find DID very fascinating. It is not possession - the patient who suffers from DID is definitely not being possessed by something supernatural or etc. Their split personalities or identities are actually personalities or identities that the host is repressing! This is why most DID patients actually used to suffer from child abuse. Most the abused victims tend to repress their past memories or information that remind them of their past suffering. Just like Sybil, as a child, she used to be abused by her own mother. When her mother used to lock her in the green kitchen (kitchen which was painted in green), she would always want to break free by breaking the window. When she grew older, this part of the memories has been repressed by Sybil. By doing so, unconsciously, Sybil has created an alternative known as Peggy who is responsible for her dark childhood. Thus, in order to repressed this suffering, Sybil has let Peggy bears the abuse on her own. Whenever the situation triggers Sybil to think of her past abuse, she would want to escape and she would let Peggy 'come out' to bear the pain for her.

Similarly, Sybil has always loved music and she loves playing the piano. But because when she was younger, she was so scared that her mother was going to be angry, she stopped herself from doing things that she loved and which she found enjoyable such as playing music. But then, you can never unlearn something which you have learned. But because Sybil was scarred so badly and horribly, she created another alternative known as Vanessa who keeps her musical talent and the fun side of her. The same thing goes to Victoria. Sybil is always so scared, timid and has no confident with herself. In my opinion, I think that Sybil has created Vicky to look after herself. Unlike the other alternatives, Vicky wants to help Sybil and she listens well to Dr. Wilbur (Sybil's psychiatrist). 

Other than that, there are a few parts in the film which I think have really illustrated DID well. 

#1 Loss of memory -  the part where Sybil would be always looking at her watch. Most of the time, patients with DID would not know when their alternatives are going to take over. They would not even realize that it happen until they have 'woken up', Hence the only way to actually keep track is to keep checking the time. Similarly, at the beginning of the film when audiences have yet to know that it was DID, we could see that Sybil kept checking her watch whenever she zones out.

#2 Fear - It is quite sad to know that DID patients live in fear most of the time because they cannot seem to control when their alternatives would appear. In the film, Sybil once told Dr. Wilbur that she was really afraid because there was once when she woke up and found out that she was two years older.

#3 Denial - Most of the alternative identities in a DID patient like to deny that they are of the same person. They all like to claim that they are separate individuals. In the film, Vicky for example has always been telling Dr. Wilbur that she is not Sybil and the way she looks at herself in the mirror shows that she thinks that she is a different person. When Dr. Wilbur tried to test Vicky by asking her, "how come Peggy and Sybil both experience hurt in their throats if they are of different people?", Vicky avoided the question.

I like how the film illustrates Sybil and her alternative identities and personally I think that the film has done quite well. Compared to the other films related to DID which I have watched previously, this film is considered quite disturbing for me. The parts when Peggy comes out and when they revealed Sybil's past abuse, I felt really disturbed and stressed. But I do believe that the nature of the real patient with DID is indeed disturbing. Besides that, another interesting part of film which I really like was when Sybil was considered recovered and she would like to meet all her alternatives through hypnosis. I find it really fascinating that she had finally got the opportunity to meet them and to talk to them. Other than Peggy, I feel that most of her alternatives were created to protect her and it was really touching to watch Sybil finally meeting them. 

(Among all the other alternative identities of Sybil's, I like Victoria (Vicky) the most)

The Sixth Sense (1999)

'The Sixth Sense' is an American supernatural horror-thriller film written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan. I remember that it was my parents who first introduced me to this film when I was younger. During then, it really seemed like a horror film to me and I used to be so scared (I know, why would my parents show a kid a horror film in the first place). But as I continued watching this film from time to time as I grow up (because it is such a good film), I understand that it was not so much of a horror film anymore, but more like a psychological thriller. Every time when I show it to my other friends or my younger siblings or cousins, I could not help but to be a spoiler, just like how my parents used to spoil it for me. 

I would say: "It's so sad when Dr. Malcolm finds out later that he's actually dead!" - there you go, I did it again!

This film is actually the closest to heart among all the other films that I have watched in this class. Other than the reason because my parents and I watch this together all the time, another reason would be because of the meaning and the ending of the film. I personally really love the ending of 'The Sixth Sense'. So today, for this particular film, I may not want to analyze so much about the psychological reasonings or any theories behind this film. Instead, I really want to reflect and to share how I feel about this film and which part of the film touches me the most.

Cole is a character in this film whom I really sympathize with. I realized how much struggles this little boy actually went through all by himself and it touched me. Due to the fact that he knew no one would actually believed him, Cole kept the secret (that he can see and talk to ghosts) to himself for such a long time no matter how afraid or terrified he was. Even though I think that Cole was really brave to have endured all these experiences alone, I feel very sad and sorry for this character at the same time. In the scene where Cole was having breakfast while his mother, Lynn went to fetch him a new tie from the laundry and then suddenly all the kitchen cabinets were opened, it was obvious that the ghosts did it. But because Cole knew that his mother would not believe him if he had told her so, he took the blame himself and said that he was looking for something. When he left the table, the handprints and sweats on the table showed how much this little boy was terrified. Another scene where Cole was shivering and crying in his tent because he had just saw a ghost also showed how much this poor boy was scared. But still, no matter how scared Cole was, he could never tell anyone because if he did, people would send him away, teachers would have meetings with his mother and classmates would look at him in the way he never want them to. So the only things that he could do was to take refuge in the church and to steal figurines from the church to build his very own refugee tent in his room. It touched me most to have to imagine the amount of fear and stress a child like Cole would be experiencing to have to endure all these by himself and still cared a lot about what other people think of him. For example, Cole would constantly ask his mother about what she thought of him throughout the film. He cared a lot about what his mother thought of him. Fortunately, even though Cole may seemed like a troubled child, Lynn would also constantly reassure Cole about what she thought of him and that she loved him very very much. As a mother, she was always there to protect and to care for him - the random 'trolley scene' in the film seemed to want to show how much Lynn wanted to try to make Cole happy.

Initially Cole did not want to open up and to let Dr. Malcolm help him because he thought that Dr. Malcolm would not believe him either. But surprisingly, when Dr. Malcolm began to share his personal issue in which his wife would not talk to him, he began to bond and to build a certain degree of trust with Cole and that was when Cole decided to tell him his secret. This showed how sometimes it is possible and wise for therapists to cross certain boundaries with the client if it would bring benefits such as building rapport and trust with the client. However, even after Cole had revealed his secret, Dr. Malcolm did not fully trust him. In fact, he even diagnosed Cole as having delusions (which is rational because it is quite hard to believe that it was all supernatural). 

This brings back to the matter which we can all reflect as therapists - how much do we actually believe in our clients and will the amount of trust we have on our clients influence our judgement and affect how much we can help them?

In this film, the answer is YES. In Cole's case, the only way to help him was to get rid of the ghosts and there was no possible way for Dr. Malcolm to help him if he did not believe him in the first place. Just as what Cole would say; "How can you help me when you don't believe me?"

Anyhow, I am glad that Cole was given a happy ending in the film. From being terrified by the ghosts, Cole became really brave to have faced his fear and to confront the ghosts. By confronting, Cole was able to help the ghosts with their unfinished business and most importantly, he was no longer terrified by them anymore. We can actually learn from Cole's experience in the film and apply it to our lives. In our lives, there are certainly many things that scare us or terrify us to move on. But only if we allow ourselves to have courage and to confront the matter, anything and everything can be solved.

Besides Cole, the story between Malcolm and his wife, Anna also touched me a lot. I do agree that the plot twist would be much more effective for first-time viewer however, no matter how many times I watch this film, I still feel the pain. Other than the beginning and the ending of the film, this entire film was showing how the relationship and the marriage between Malcolm and Anna was breaking apart. She would not talk to him, she ignored him all the time and there was a chance that she was going out with another man. Malcolm thought that it was because of his job. Cole suggested to him that maybe he should try to talk to her while she was asleep. He did, and that was when he discovered the reason why she had been ignoring him all the while. While she was asleep, she asked Malcolm why did he leave her and she dropped his wedding ring. The moment when he finally realized that the reason Anna would ignore him all the time was not because she was angry at him but because he was dead, there were certainly some mixed feelings that he was going through at the moment. Thanks to Cole, Malcolm was able to complete his unfinished business - to rectify his failure to help his ex-client, Vincent. Similarly, thanks to Cole's suggestion to talk to Anna while she was asleep, he also had a chance to tell his wife that she was never second and that he had loved her very very much. After all the happenings in the film, it turns out that Malcolm was also another ghost in need of Cole's help to complete his unfinished business. 

Lastly, towards the end of the film, Cole had decided that he finally would like to communicate with his mother. Even though she was happy that Cole was finally opening up to her, she was not very glad to hear about his 'gift'. However, when Cole started telling her about her mother (his deceased grandmother), again, I could not hold back my tears. In our day-to-day lives, sometimes, being a grown-up child to our parents, we would say things that hurt our parents' feelings or there are things that we keep to ourselves and which we do not tell our parents often - things like how much we love them. Come to think of it, we should definitely tell our parents how much we love them before it is too late. Just like in the film, Lynn's mother never had a chance to tell her that she was so proud of her. Thanks to Cole, Lynn finally had a chance to know her mother's unsaid words.

There are certainly many great things that I loved about 'The Sixth Sense'. Besides the wonderful storyline and the plot twist, I admired Cole's character for his courage and I sympathized with Cole's experience. Most importantly, I learn one very important thing from this film , that is, never have regrets in life. We should say things that we want to say to our loved ones and do things that we want to do when we still have the chance. No one knows exactly how long we get to live so we should appreciate the things and people around us while we can.

Whale Rider (2002)

In this beautiful film about family and the rich culture of the Maori tribe in New Zealand, Paikea is a twelve-year-old girl who struggles to earn his grandfather's acknowledgement and to prove herself worthy to be the new chief of the tribe. Unfortunately, due to the traditional custom of the tribe, only the first-born males in the family are able to take this role. Through this film, several meaningful themes can be seen:

#1 Sexism

The theme sexism can be clearly seen even at the start of the film, that is when Paikea was born. At birth, Paikea's twin brother died, bringing their mother with him. This left Paikea's father devastated at the loss of his wife. However, when Koro, Paikea's grandfather first arrived at the hospital, he did not look or even asked anything about his deceased daughter-in-law. Instead, all he was interested about was the news of his grandson. When Koro found out that only the baby girl survived, he was not very happy about it. This is because he had been waiting so long for the arrival of a new first-born MALE in the family - someone who could finally take up the role of the new chief of the tribe.
Unfortunately, Paikea being a girl could not help him realize his wish.

To even begin with, Koro did not even allow Paikea's father, Porourangi to name his daughter 'Paikea' in the first place! This was because Paikea was the name of the whale rider who rode on top of the whale all the way from Hawaiki (AKA their descendant). So Koro thought that since the baby was a girl, she was not worthy of the name of their descendant.

Koro also had a very strong principle in gender roles, as well as gender stereotypes. Due to the fact that he still resented the fact that his first-born grandchild was a girl, was Paikea, he started blaming her for all the conflicts that happened in the tribe. There was a scene in the film where he said, "When she was born, everything went wrong for us." In order to fix this, Koro started a cultural school for ONLY BOYS to teach them their traditional customs and qualities of a chief. Throughout the entire film, Paikea could be seen as a born talented person with natural qualities of a chief! However, just because she was a girl, Koro chose to ignore her qualities and had discouraged her many times. For example, Paikea was really interested in learning the taiaha and she was really good at it too, but just because it was traditionally reserved for boys only, Koro got really angry at Paikea for learning it by herself secretly and he even chased her out of the house. Not only that, Koro even discouraged Paikea by telling her that her acts of showing off would do no benefits but only to degrade the boys. For a girl as talented as Paikea, by right more praises should be given to her, especially when she was trying so hard to make him proud. But deep down, Koro knew that he could never praise Paikea because that would make her even want to prove herself and THAT would be against his gender role bias in his culture.

Paikea on the other hand was really trying to break the gender stereotypes. She often challenged herself to do things that Koro or the other boys may think that she could not do. One interesting example was when she raced the school bus with her own bike! All the boys in the bus were yelling at the driver to not let her passed the vehicle and they were asking the driver to go faster than Paikea. However, seeing the boys' reactions towards this challenge, she felt even more proud and she cycled even faster! Another scene that she challenged herself in doing was she tried to dive into the water to retrieve Koro's rei puta - something which the boys failed to do and which made Koro really devastated.

#2 Importance of Family Root

Through the film we could also see the admirable trait of the Maori people who valued their family roots and protected their traditions, especially Paikea and Koro. Even though some of us may not be able to agree with Koro's stubbornness and his gender stereotypes, we should all be able to understand that whatever that he was doing, he did it to protect their customs. It was undeniable that he chose the customs over his own granddaughter which resulted in mistreating her. But to come to think of it, he was just trying to follow and to keep the traditions that had been practiced for years (which happened to discriminate the females). But the fact that he chose the customs over the love for Paikea clearly showed that Koro was a man who valued customs, traditions and family roots very much.

Even though Paikea was discouraged in her belief that she could be the chief of the tribe since the day she was born, she held onto her traditions and family roots very much. Unlike her father who refused to assume the role of the chief of the tribe, she enjoyed learning about their traditional dances, chants, martial arts and even their tribe's history. Whenever she introduced herself, she would always mentioned that she was a direct patrilineal descendant of Paikea.


#3 Love for Family

One of the things that touched me the most in this film was the transition of the birth scene to the scene where Paikea had already grown up. During the end of the birth scene, we could see that Koro did not really like Paikea because she was born as a female. The narration by Paikea herself in the beginning of this film had also mentioned something about it which led us to expect Koro to not wanting to admit Paikea as his granddaughter. However, the following scene after that had really touched me. Not only that Koro accepted Paikea into the family, the scene where they rode on the bicycle together had shown that Koro really cared and loved Paikea as his granddaughter, and they have formed an affectionate bond with each other. If I were to vote the best scene throughout the entire film, I would definitely vote this scene as my favourite!

In the following scene where the two main characters had spent some time together talking about the history of their tribe, Koro was teaching Paikea about the importance of the unity of their families and tribe. Later in the same scene, Paikea managed to help Koro to fix his boat engine (using her brilliant mind). When she was happily showing Koro that she had successfully fixed it, Koro was not very happy. Koro did explain in the film the reason why he was unhappy with what Paikea had done, which was the fact that he was afraid that she would hurt herself. Yes, this showed how much Koro cared for her.

PS: However, I figured there should be another hidden reason behind this. As much as Koro was worried that she would hurt herself by fixing that engine, he also did not want Paikea to be too capable and intelligent. Why? Simple. He did not want to believe that she was destined to inherit the leadership.

There was another scene in the film which I found heart-breaking - the part where Paikea decided to leave the village and to follow her father back to Germany. Before Paikea left, she asked to have a ride on the bicycle with Koro in the front yard for the last time. This was something that she had been doing with Koro every day and it was upsetting to watch Koro carried her for the last time on his bicycle. But as soon as she was leaving, Koro did not even look at her for the last time and he went straight into the house. Before anyone could thought that he was being mean and cold-hearted, he was seen staring at his beloved granddaughter from the window. This scene actually reminded me of my own grandfather who never looked at us when we were leaving every time after our visit. I wonder if he was like Koro too, staring out at us from where we could not see him. Unfortunately I will never have the chance to check him out the next time we visit because he had already left us.

Paikea's bond with Koro was incredibly touching in this film, honestly. Even though Koro was so hard on her, Paikea  was always patient and she tried to be understanding towards him. She never gave up trying to prove herself to Koro and her love for her grandfather was always there no matter what. When Koro was devastated over the loss of the rei puta, he wanted to call out to his ancestors but he failed. Paikea then called out to their ancestors in attempt to help Koro even though she knew this would probably get her into trouble. Lastly when something horrible happened at the beach (probably related to what she had done), she even sacrificed her own life for the sake of her people, especially her grandfather.

Another interesting bond between family members, besides Paikea and Koro, was the father-son relationship between Koro and Porourangi (Paikea's father). Throughout the entire film, there was no obvious affection shown between these two men. However, certain affection or love need not to be shown obviously, but can be seen in other forms. For example, Koro finding a new wife for Porourangi was probably because he wanted another grandson to inherit his leadership. But come to think of it, it has been many years since Paikea's mother had passed. It could be that Koro wanted to find a new companion for his son as well. Nevertheless, even though both of them may not seemed to be talking to each other very much, nothing breaks a bond between a father and son, no matter what. When Porourangi first returned to the village, though Koro did not show, he seemed glad that his son has returned. Similarly, Porourangi also seemed to have a lot of stories about his adventures to share with his father but he was kind of reluctant to talk as well. I wonder why... probably this has something to do with their man egos, or perhaps it is the matter of gender difference where men are usually uncomfortable to talk about feelings and emotions (unlike women). Hence, it would be most appropriate for them to show their love for each other though the things they do.

Forget Paris (1995)

One of the most enjoyable and funniest films I have ever watched - Forget Paris.

While soon-to-be-wed Andy and Liz were waiting for their friends to join them in a restaurant, Andy began to tell stories about Mickey and Ellen's relationship from where it started in Paris to how their marriage is at the present. This film creatively unfolds the story of Mickey and Ellen in such a way that not only did the friends take turns in telling Liz about the entire story, the story itself was told in stages. According to my analysis of the film, there are three main stages in Mickey and Ellen's relationship and a short last one which I called a bonus stage!

Stage 1: Paris 

In Mickey and Ellen's relationship, Stage 1 is basically their romance phase. It's about two people being attracted to each other and worked towards being together. Mickey was all alone in Paris to bury his deceased father. He was also very frustrated because the management at the airport misplaced his father's casket. However, in the midst of his anger, he met Ellen, an airline employee who consoled and apologized to Mickey at the same time. That was their first meeting. Later, Ellen even surprised Mickey at the funeral because she thought, "nobody should bury their father alone." Mickey was obviously touched by what Ellen had done and began to find Ellen really attractive because she was being so nice to him when he was all alone, so understanding and considerate towards him. Ellen, on the other hand may be attracted to Mickey because she finds him really humorous as humour has been said to be one of the most desirable traits in the theory of attraction. 

However, there may be another reason for Ellen to fall in love with Mickey, other than him being a humorous man. Ellen was experiencing some major conflict in her own marriage so perhaps that could be one of the contributing factors to her liking towards Mickey. 

When Mickey had gone back to the United States, it was hard for both of them to be together as a normal couple because they were miles apart from each other as Ellen continued working as usual in Paris. Even so, they made efforts to keep in touch with each other. This showed that love is choice. Mickey made a choice to pursue Ellen even though they were living miles apart from each other and he even wanted to bring their relationship to one step further, he asked her to marry him. When this happened, Ellen was forced to make her decision to end her unhappy marriage for good and have faith in her new relationship. Ellen said YES. 

So basically, apart from the upsetting discovery of Ellen's marriage and the loneliness that Mickey was experiencing, everything was perfect for both of them. Both Mickey and Ellen had a short great time together in Paris and this experience will always be part of their memories together.

- The end of Stage 1 -

Stage 2: Forget Paris 

Stage 2 of the relationship is basically about the marriage life of Mickey and Ellen. At the beginning of every marriage, everything seemed to be perfectly fine. Ellen moved from Paris to live with Mickey in his apartment as his wife. Everything was awesome for this newlywed during their honeymoon... until when Mickey had to go back to work for the new NBA season after their honeymoon. That was when problems, conflicts and sacrifices in a marriage started pouring in. This was also when two people had to learn to live with each other and compromise in a marriage. A stage where romantic moments in Paris was merely just a piece of memory.

I understand that it wasn't easy at all for Ellen to give up everything she had in Paris and to come back to the United States empty-handedly (well, except the fact that she had a new husband). But other than having Mickey as her husband, she had nothing else and she was miserable and depressed. Without Mickey by her side and with her crappy job, she was lonely and was not feeling happy at all. The sacrifices that she'd made in committing to this new marriage was slowly draining away her souls. Her life was meaningless especially when Mickey was not home. 

There has to be some balance between contributions and rewards in a relationship. Therefore, likewise, Mickey made sacrifices too in this relationship. He took a one-year leave of absence and worked as a car salesman instead so that he could be home all the time. The great news was Ellen was no longer miserable as she was promoted at her job and she was all happy with her life again. However, now it was Mickey's turn to be unhappy and miserable, just like Ellen did before. This was because Mickey's passion was with the NBA, not selling cars for a living. Even worse, he was made to take care of Ellen's father at home as well. But in order to compromise with Ellen, this was the sacrifice that Mickey made and the consequence that he had to bear was his life being incongruent with what he wanted.

The situation went on for quite some time until Mickey secretly decided to go back to his referee work again without telling Ellen. This was when more conflicts rushed into this relationship and the overall relationship status was unhappy. However, there must be give and take in a marriage. Right at this moment, it seemed as if Ellen was taking too much and Mickey was done giving. Love is supposed to be understanding and compromising as well as finding a common ground. This was when Ellen had decided to send her father to her siblings and worked towards repairing their relationship.

- The end of Stage 2 -

Stage 3: The 3rd Family Member

Many couples may think that having a child could save a failing marriage, but that's actually a myth. Anyhow, whether or not it was for the purpose of saving their marriage, Mickey and Ellen had been trying really hard to have a baby. Unfortunately, they found out that they were unable to conceive naturally. So, they tried other method instead, such as In Vitro Fertilisation. However, even after two years of trying, they still failed to have a baby. The inability to conceive had caused Mickey and Ellen to emotionally drift apart from each other. This would actually damage their already wounded relationship even more. Things got even worse when Ellen had been offered a transfer to Dallas, which Mickey had refused to move. Being frustrated at Mickey, Ellen had decided to transfer back alone to Paris instead. So, the inability to reach a compromised situation this time had caused both Mickey and Ellen to be separated for a while.

At this stage, some gender differences could be clearly seen in some part of the film. When confronted with conflicts in marriage, males preferred to meet up with friends and they like to do activities together while they talk it out. For example, Mickey would meet his friends and they would all play pool while they talked about Mickey's marriage problems. Similarly, females would also talk things out with their friends as well. But they don't do activities together, they merely just sit down and share their thoughts and feelings with each other.

Anyhow,

- The end of Stage 3 -

Stage 4: The Bonus Stage

The reason I called this stage a bonus one is because it took place really short and fast. This part was the present where Andy and his friends were actually wondering if the game had ended and they were waiting for Mickey's arrival at the restaurant.

So ever since Mickey and Ellen were separated, obviously they still missed one another. So after so long of not talking and seeing each other, Mickey was day-dreaming just before the game had started and suddenly made up his mind to flee his job and to return to Paris to look for his beloved wife. At this moment, Mickey was probably weighing the importance between his job as the referee and his wife - in which of course he chose his wife! Just as he was about to leave, Ellen was seen to be there as well. This proved that women made up their mind faster than men (just kidding). So in the end, I think that they both came to the similar conclusion, that is, they valued their marriage so much more than their jobs and everything else. If we take a look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs, love and belonging is right in the middle of the pyramid. Self-esteem and self-actualization may be on top of love and belonging, but without love, it may be hard or incomplete to achieve self-esteem and self-actualization in the first place.

What I learned from the film...

Everyone can fall in love and get married easily just as long as you make that choice. But it may be not easy for everyone to actually go through what lies after the marriage. In order to take in another person in your life and live together with him or her for a long long time, it takes a lot of responsibilities, contributions and sacrifices to make the relationship works. 

So, marriage is not the only legitimate option for everyone. Marriage is actually a choice. No one should marry just because they think they ought to, even though Maslow said love and belonging is part of our basic needs. This is because without marriage, we can find love and belonging as well with family members and friends. But marriage has a whole lot more commitments than many other things. Hence, if we want a perfect marriage, it would be best to first focus on fixing yourself and finding your own path before settling down with the significant other.

Strictly Ballroom (1992)

Strictly Ballroom is a romantic-comedy old film from the year 1992. This is really an old film to me because it's even older than myself (I was born in year 1993) - which makes me wonder how old are the hot actor and actress now. Anyways, the dancers in the film were really amazing so kudos to them *claps*

The film is about a ballroom dancer named Scott who struggled to establish his own personal dancing style at the Pan-Pacific Grand Prix Dancing Championship despite the disagreement from his parents, friends, dance partner and the entire dance community. During the first dance competition which was shown in the film, Scott and his partner lost to a rival team due to the fact that Scott changed his dance moves out of a sudden - moves which did not comply to 'strictly ballroom'. After the first experience, Scott wanted to keep trying new moves because he wanted to be different and he wanted to dance to his own style in the final competition. Since his partner Liz Holt left him, he secretly trained with a beginner dancer named Fran, whom no one liked to talk to at the studio. However, his mother, Shirley (former champion) and coach, Kendall have tried so many ways in persuading Scott to not change his moves if he wanted to win in the Pan-Pacific. Even the president of the Australian Dancing Federation, Barry Fife tried so many (evil) ways in stopping Scott. Despite his passion and the only support from Fran, Scott struggled quite a lot just for being different throughout the entire film. 

Did his mother, coach, friends and basically the entire dance community succeed in persuading Scott in the end?

What was wrong with being different than the others in the first place?

First of all, there was no wrong with being different than the others in the first place.

Scott Hasting is the first character in the film whom I really admired in the beginning. Today we live in a world where being different is quite similar to being labelled as cool. But to the community in the film, or perhaps to the society during the early 90's (since this was so long ago - even before I was born), being different could be something unacceptable because it was violating the social rules. So what people were supposed to do during those times, especially in the film? CONFORM. People were expected to conform. To be fair, nobody in the film realized that they had been conforming all the time until someone like Scott did something different than the others and then they realized that it was not okay.

 However, Scott was the only one who dared to be different and who did not want to conform to 'strictly ballroom'. I really do not understand the other dancers in the film who viewed new steps to ballroom dancing as something horrible (as if it was something bad like a disease or a virus which could be infectious). It was quite funny to me when Barry Fife was so anxious about the rumours of new steps and he was eagerly trying to turn down all the rumours as if it was something tremendously horrible (where in fact discovering new steps to dancing could be a big thing here in the society nowadays). It was also quite nonsensical as well when the dance coaches mentioned that they couldn't introduced the new steps unless they knew how to dance it. 

Perhaps the reason for wanting Scott and everyone else to conform to the existing old dance steps was because they were afraid of change. 

Similarly to Barry Fife, if Scott managed to win the Pan-Pacific with his new steps, it could mean that the people in the dance community would start innovating new steps just like Scott did and everyone would be different - Ballroom Dancing would no longer be the same again. So what's best for everyone? CONFORM, CONFORM and CONFORM!

There was a scene in the film where Scott asked his mother a good question. He asked, "What was wrong with the way I danced?" That was true, what was wrong? There was nothing wrong at all, Scott. The only thing wrong was that the entire dance community was afraid of being different! 

I liked how Scott told Fran about dancing. He told her that he didn't care about winning at all, he just wanted to dance with her. That is actually very rational. Dancing is supposed to be a creative activity where one enjoys doing. 

Dancing isn't about complying to steps - it's about dancing with your heart.

In one of Barry's (evil) plans in stopping Scott, he told Scott about the not-so-true truth about his parents. Barry told Scott about how his father, Doug used to be so obsessed with the unorthodox dance steps that he even lost the Pan-Pacific. Knowing about this truth, Scott wanted to win for his parents so he ended up complying to what the others had always wanted him to do. Note that he didn't obey Barry or the 'rule' of dancing set by the community because he was willing to. He just wanted to do it for the sake of his parents.

Scott wanted to win for his parents once... but he'd hurt Fran instead...

Wait, so who was Fran again?

Fran, a beginner dancer at Kendall's dance studio. A person who had never danced with a partner before and no one actually cared anything about her until Scott was looking for a new partner. Personally, Fran is the second character that I admire the most in this film. The very first time when she actually had a real dialogue in the film was the scene where she confessed to Scott about wanting to be his new partner. She was really brave to be able to do that. Why? Because everyone knew that she was a 'noob' in the entire studio. But she believed in herself that she'd be able to do it if she'd tried. Similar to Scott, she also believed in innovation of new steps to the current dance - she introduced pasodoble steps in their routine. She is also one who dared to make a difference! Perhaps, the reason she was so keen to be different together with Scott was because that was the only chance for her to shine (because once again, no one actually cared about her existence in the studio).

Anyways...

Scott thought that by complying to what the society wanted of him, he would make his parents happy by giving them what they couldn't have before - being the champion. So he changed his mind just before the Pan-Pacific Competition to dance the conventional steps and it'd hurt Fran's feelings because he abandoned her. But little did Scott know that what Barry told him was not completely true! 

Dough had always wanted to tell Scott to follow his heart and do whatever that he thought was right for him. It was true that Dough was exactly like Scott, he too wanted to dance his own steps but during that time, he was too timid to follow his heart and Barry had convinced Shirley to dance the conventional steps. Therefore, Dough and Shirley ended up conforming to the rest of the society but they lost the competition anyways. 

Due to the fact that Dough was forced to conform and comply to the society years ago, he told his son that all these years, they were living in fears. 

So this time, Dough wanted what was best for his son, he asked for Scott to dance the way he wanted to dance with Fran. When Scott did, not only that Scott felt a sense of accomplishment with Fran, Dough seemed pretty satisfied, as if his wish for all these years had finally came true...

Not to mention, a lot of people at the competition, both dancers and audiences fell in love with Scott and Fran's dance! So it was a happy ending for Scott and Fran after all...

The moral of the film that I'd learned is...

Never be afraid of making a change or simply being different than everybody else. Conformity isn't always a bad social influence, but it is definitely not good to let conformity get in the way of achieving something which we believe in.

Running on Empty (1988)

'Running on Empty' is a heart-warming film about a simple but non-typical family where Arthur (Judd Hirsch) and Annie Pope (Christine Lahti) are fugitives on the run from the FBI for many years due to their anti-war activities during the 1970s. They are one of the most wanted fugitives in the country due to their bombing of a laboratory which accidentally blinded and paralyzed a janitor. Arthur and Annie move around the country very often with their two sons Danny (River Phoenix) and Harry (Jonas Abry). Each time they move, they assume a whole new identity. As the film begins, the Pope family is seen to be on the move again. As the family settles down (temporarily) in this new place, Michael (Danny's new identity), an ordinary teenage boy with an amazing musical talent in playing the piano catches the attention of his music teacher, Mr. Phillips. Being overwhelmed by his talent, Mr. Phillips encouraged Michael to apply for Juilliard's. However, being on the run constantly with his family, Michael isn't sure about going to college. Meantime, Michael also develops a romantic relationship with Phillip's daughter, Lorna and Michael, too struggles in this new relationship due to his identity. 

So how does Michael cope with his future and Lorna while trying to keep his family secret? 

How will Michael's parents deal with this empty-nest syndrome where their son is growing up and might be leaving them very soon like the other kids?

This film has shown us several interesting themes and these themes can be addressed through the characters and events in the film:

#1 Danny Pope / Michael Manfield

There were a few battles that Danny was going through in the film. He was constantly battling between finding his own identity and living the identities given to him. He battled between pursuing his dreams in music and staying with his family. He battled between disclosing himself to Lorna and keeping his family secret. William Glasser tells us that there are five basic needs in humans - love and belonging, power, fun, survival and freedom. This film showed us that Danny was lacking most of them. He couldn't secure his love and belonging because of his family secret. He had no safety because he didn't have a stable life as he was running away with his family.  He also couldn't pursue his dream of attending college and this showed that he had no fun, no power of his own life and no freedom.

Being the eldest son of the Pope family, Danny was seen to be always taking care of his family members (and their huge secrets). As though he was scoring every single point on the Firstborn Syndrome, he was always responsible, intelligent, independent, obedient to his parents and very caring, especially to his mother. There were a few times when he grew tired of his constantly-running-away life and complained to his mother. But every time he'd end up caring for her feelings and he'd stopped questioning his life for the sake of his parents. On top of that, when Gus (Arthur and Annie's old friend) came to their house and offended his mother, he was there to emotionally support her - he offered her a hug (the kind of hug which tells somebody that everything is going to be alright). And his mother, as though she knew she could rely on her son entirely, relieved her stress and embraced him. Almost at the end of the movie, when they were forced to move again, Danny had a hard time separating with his girlfriend and his ambition. As much as he wanted to settle down and have a normal life, he was struggling at the same time to want to keep the unity of his family. There was a scene where he told Lorna, "They need me." I personally find this scene showed that there was indeed a strong bond of unity in his family and as much as he was tired of his life, he loved his family for who they were and was willing to go through ups and downs together (even though no one knew how long they were going to do this for).

#2 Arthur Pope / Paul Manfield (Father)

In this film, Arthur portrayed himself as the leader (alpha male) of the house whose words are as good as verdict. He could be stubborn at times but no doubt that he loved his family very much. Personally I really like the scene where he first heard of the news of his mother's death. I didn't like the news but I liked how Arthur portrayed his sadness, his pain. He said nothing, absolutely nothing after he was told the news but his body language showed us how much he regretted and how much pain he was going through at that moment. As he quietly walked towards his truck, he opened the door and leaned on the seat absent-mindedly. We could all understand that he was devastated at the news.

As egoistic and as masculine as he could be as the head of the family, we would expect Arthur to be a strict father who practiced strict disciplinary methods with his children at home. But no, he wasn't that kind of a father. In fact, it was quite interesting to see the way he communicates with his family at home - with his sense of humour. I enjoyed his jokes that came about once in awhile in the film such as "I'm a vegetarian, I don't want tiny fingers in my stew." Even though they may not be an ordinary family (because they were fugitives on the run), Arthur tried his best to give his family a normal life, in fact, a well simple life, for example, they have birthday celebrations.

When we watch this film, it's very easy to see Arthur as a stubborn person who wouldn't want change and to let go of his son. Maybe some people will address this as the empty nest syndrome where parents feel lonely and sad when their children leave home. But from what I see, Arthur had lost his mother (whom he couldn't have visited often) and he once told his wife that this family with his two sons are all that's left now. If he was to let Danny off to pursue his study, that would only mean he would have to give up his son and never to see him again. This situation is far worse than the empty nest syndrome. However, in the end when he'd heard the news of Gus's death while waiting for Danny to join them on the move, he suddenly made his decision to let go off Danny. So what changed his mind? Perhaps, the tragic news of Gus had made Arthur realized that the consequences of living the life as a fugitive were unpredictable. He wouldn't want Danny to keep running away for the rest of his life. He especially wouldn't want Danny to end up like Gus. As much as he wouldn't want to not see Danny again, he would still want the best for his son.

#3 Annie Pope / Cynthia Manfield (Mother)

Unlike her husband, Annie began to grow tired of her life of constantly running away even though she clearly knew that she had no choice but to do so. Between this couple, she was the first one who thought about turning herself in to the police. The only thing drawing her back from doing so currently was her two children. When Gus came to their house, he told Annie that she could just leave and travel far far away. During then, she even admitted that she'd been living a lie and she was really tired already. But as a mother, she carried well her responsibility of caring and raising her children. In this film, many times, Annie would show her feminine and motherly side. For example, after the fight, she knew Arthur was going through a bad day and so she tried to understand her husband instead of talking back at him. Besides that, she often cared for her children's well-being and their feelings. She knew Danny loved classical music more than rock n' roll and so she wanted him to go to the concert at Mr. Phillips's place. She wasn't even angry at Danny when she found out that he went to the Juilliard audition without her permission. She knew Danny loved music and there'll be a future for him if she'd let him go. At the end of the day, she made a choice of sending Danny away to his grandparents. As painful as it was for her to make that decision, she also knew that it was unfair to have Danny lead such life when he'd done nothing wrong in the past. This showed how much a mother would sacrifice for the well-being of her children.

There was an incredibly touching scene where Annie met her father for the first time after 14 years. When Annie's dad saw her, he was completely stunned and showed no expression at all for a very long time (even though Annie was crying already). Even though he was expressionless, his face tells us that there are so many emotions that are actually going through his mind and soul- it's the happy and surprised, together with anger and sadness kind of emotions. Happy because he hadn't seen her for so long. Surprised because he'd never expected to see her now. Angry because of the choice she made. Sad because he'd thought he'd lost his daughter for 14 years. Anyhow, when her dad resented (a bit) her for choosing the kind of life she was leading despite having an opportunity to study at Juilliard's just like Danny, she mentioned that it was a choice she made at that time - a choice in which she had to bear the consequences now. Even though Annie may have sounded regret in her sentence, she never resented the choice she made for herself. This reminded me of Glasser's Choice Theory in which Annie made that choice in order to gain freedom in return - freedom from the war.

 It was a bit funny but yet touching about how her father was trying so hard to resist himself from crying. The whole time he was speaking with Annie, he held a stern expression but the moment Annie left, he immediately broke into tears. This last part further proved that he was holding back all those emotions that he was feeling in his mind. This scene was a bit heart breaking to watch because as Annie walked away, her father must be heart broken. Who knows this may be the very last time he'd be able to see her and God knows how many more 14 years he has.

#4 Romance

Every romantic relationship begins in the form of attraction. When Michael first met Lorna for the first time (when he broke into the house and played the piano without permission), it was a bit obvious that Lorna was attracted to him already. The first thing he said to her was about her old photo and somehow, maybe Lorna found him to be funny because she seemed like she couldn't stop smiling. Besides that, apparently the day after that, they met again at school - in the elective class, home economics, aka cooking class. To Lorna, it wasn't ordinary for a boy to take cooking classes so perhaps she'd started to find him interesting, wanted to know more and somewhat, really attracted to this unordinary guy. Not to mention, being paired up together during the class may have contributed to their liking for each other as proximity has been said to play a part in the science of attraction.

As Lorna was clearly attracted to Michael earlier than he was to her, she began her first stage of communication and that is flirting. There were a few scenes where she was obviously flirting or trying to flirt with him. First, she invited him to her house for the concert. Then she dragged him away from her father and offered him a glass of milk before inviting him to her room! When he had to leave, she asked him to sneak out from her window. Not to forget, she even emphasized that outside her window, there was a tree (like she was hinting him that he could obviously use that tree to come in whenever he wants to - which he actually did later in the film). However, at the beginning, it seemed like Lorna was the first person who took the initiative in this relationship. Well, it's understandable because Michael had a family secret to keep. It's no doubt that he couldn't take initiative at all in any new relationship because even his name was a lie.

Therefore, because Michael had the responsibility to keep the secret away from Lorna, he couldn't disclose himself to Lorna even if he wanted to. In relationships, self-disclosure between couples is very important because it contributes a sense of understanding between two people. Without self-disclosure, commitment is even harder to achieve. In the film, Lorna can be seen to want to share her everything with Michael. She was always ready to disclose herself to him but Michael struggled hard to the point that he was afraid of starting this relationship with Lorna even though he knew that he loved her. He thought he had no future and because he was always on the run with his family, he was afraid that he couldn't commit himself entirely in this relationship. For example, he wouldn't even dare to return her passionate kiss.

#5 Lastly, music and emotion

One of the things that I enjoyed the most from this film was the music. To be really specific, I really liked the scene where Annie Pope played the piano together with Danny. It was when she just found out that Danny had gone to the audition without permission and without even telling her in the first place. Of course, as a parent she was mad at the incident. But as she watched her son played the piano, it looked as if she really wanted to ask him why. Then quietly, she sat down beside him and played a melody with him. Even though both Annie and Danny didn't say anything in that scene, the music that they were playing was rather emotional and sad, as if she was asking him 'why' through the music. Even Danny felt the same thing as I did. After they were done, he turned to his mother and asked her, "what's wrong?" But as though she'd already make an important decision in her mind, she didn't answer him.

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The film ended with a cliffhanger. Arthur Pope had suddenly made the decision to let go off Danny just when they were about to flee again and Danny was just standing there waving goodbye to his family. Personally, it was a really heart breaking kind of goodbye to me. It was so brief, without any goodbye hugs and no one actually knows if Danny was going to see his family again.

Can you imagine the feelings and emotions that were going through Danny's mind?

When will be the time that he'll be able to see his family again?

Or, will his mom and dad, and his little brother be safe till the next time they meet?

What will the future without his family hold for him?